You search "LGBTQ therapy," and there are ads, agencies, and national groups oh my! You just want someone that gets it, and page one is already overwhelming. 

First, hello and welcome! I am affirming and currently taking new clients. However, maybe you stumbled upon this page and are not ready for services yet, or you're ready but nowhere close to the land of Old Bay. Below are some tips and resources to whittle down your search of therapists and other providers that have made their values clear.

Therapist Directories: 
Psychologytoday.com is the largest directory and is great for surface level filtered searches (i.e: "I need someone who takes Blue Cross, has a box checked for LGBTQ clientele, and works in trauma"). Psychologytoday is also useful for finding psychiatric care and support groups. Check out their search option (with a million filter options) to find resources in your area. 

If you're looking for something more personalized and comprehensive, visit therapyden.com. Therapyden asks therapists to share their personal beliefs and interests, making it easier to feel connected to the therapist as well as gauge how closely aligned to your values they are. It's also free for therapists (and you), so it's a much more accessible resource. 

LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory
A metamorphosis of the GLMA Provider Directory, the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory is a search tool that finds providers which can be filtered by specialty or approach within a chosen radius of your zip code. Providers have to seek out being listed and although the directory does not screen, it is a solid starting point. 

[CW: This post includes mentions of transphobic slurs.]

An infinite amount of questions arises when navigating a child's gender journey, both for the parents and the child. Below are a few basic pointers and resources for your next steps.

First, let's outline some terminology*. 

• Sex vs. Gender : Gender refers to how one identifies (as a woman, a man, a non-binary person, a gender void person, etc.), while sex refers to someone's biological makeup (male, female, intersex, etc.). Contrary to popular belief, there are more than two sexes. See Ainsworth's article on the matter. 
• Gender Identity vs. Sexuality: Gender and sexuality are also often conflated. While sexuality refers to one's attraction to others (i.e: straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc.), gender identity refers to which gender one identifies with (woman, man, non-binary, etc.) One can be cisgender and gay or transgender and straight. 
• Cis/Cisgender: a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth. Cishet is short for a cisgender person who is also heterosexual. 
• Words like "tranny," "transexual," and "hermaphrodite" are both outdated and deeply offensive. These terms have a long history of being used as weapons of discrimination against transgender folks. Don't use them. 
• They're not preferred pronouns, they're pronouns. "Preferred" implies that gendering someone correctly is optional. 

Knowing the difference between gender identity and gender expression can help navigate a gender journey with a child. Gender identity is the deeply innate sense of self, while gender expression is the outward manifestation of that sense of self. It is a misconception that girls who are "tomboys" and boys who love wearing dresses are necessarily transgender. Clothes, makeup, toys, and activities do not have gender limitations. Have an open and transparent conversation with your child and do not attempt to limit neither their expression nor their identity. 

If your child has indicated that they're exploring gender, let them lead. You don't have to know all the answers, and they are on their personal road to discovery. Be affirming by supporting their gender identity journey wherever it leads them while using their pronouns and correct name. Need help with pronouns? Visit Gender Pronouns! 

"How are they sure though?" Among transgender children, gender identity is as strong as in cisgender children, study shows.

Don't confine yourself within the gender binary. Your child's journey does not necessarily mean going from a boy to a girl or vice versa. Familiarize yourself with non-binary and agender identities. National Center for Transequality has a helpful page on "Understanding Non-Binary People".

See local DMV resources as well as National Resources for trans children and their parents here: 
Children's National Hospital of Washington DC Gender Development Program

Trans Healthcare MD

The Pride Center of Maryland 

Equality Virginia

National Center for Transequality - Know Your Rights

HRC- Transgender Children and Youth: Understanding the Basics

And of course, me! Feel free to contact me regarding availability for a therapy session for yourself or your child.

*Please note the terminology defined here is just the simplified tip of the LGBTQI+ terminology iceberg! 

Did you fly out the closet riding the rainbow, but you still feel like you're tied down to heterosexual patterns in some ways? Or are you an allied provider, teacher, or parent and you're here to recognize and unlearn how heteronormativity seeps into your life? 

​Heternormativity is "the privileging of heteronormative ideals and constructs onto LGBT culture and identity."  This conditioning plays out across so many parts of our lives, including gender roles, gender expression, navigating polyamory, etc. It sets the bar that heterosexuality is the "normal" standard, which can have an insidious impact on the livelihood of an LGBTQI+ person.  

I often have clients approach me with concerns about their friends' and families'  heteronormative questions like the following: 
"So which one of you is the man?" 
"It's just a phase." 
"Why do you wear a dress?"
"Well, you don't look gay."

Maybe you're nonbinary but feel like you need to pass as a certain binary gender to be valid. Maybe you think your sexual identity is just something you're doing in the midst of college chaos. Maybe you think one of you needs to be the man and one of you needs to be the woman in your gay relationship. Maybe you had to jump through 14 different obstacles to convince yourself to put the dress on because that goes against everything you've been taught. This is heteronormativity. It has our genders and sexualities confined in a strict paradigm, even as we attempt to live out our truths. 

These pressures and implicit biases make LGBTQI+ people infinitely more shame-prone. If you feel ashamed, you can't be vulnerable, and if you can't be vulnerable, you can't feel safe, but recognition leads to resistance. For both LGBTQI+ people and allies, all the power of change lies in the awareness of thought patterns and behaviors. By naming and identifying where yours are, you are better able to counteract them. 

For a more thorough understanding, below are two wonderful, illustrative websites that list heterosexual and cisgender privileges. 

Heterosexual Privilege by Sam Killermann

Cisgender Privileges by Sam Killermann