My Kid Seems to be on a Gender Journey, Now What?

[CW: This post includes mentions of transphobic slurs.]

An infinite amount of questions arises when navigating a child's gender journey, both for the parents and the child. Below are a few basic pointers and resources for your next steps.

First, let's outline some terminology*. 

• Sex vs. Gender : Gender refers to how one identifies (as a woman, a man, a non-binary person, a gender void person, etc.), while sex refers to someone's biological makeup (male, female, intersex, etc.). Contrary to popular belief, there are more than two sexes. See Ainsworth's article on the matter. 
• Gender Identity vs. Sexuality: Gender and sexuality are also often conflated. While sexuality refers to one's attraction to others (i.e: straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc.), gender identity refers to which gender one identifies with (woman, man, non-binary, etc.) One can be cisgender and gay or transgender and straight. 
• Cis/Cisgender: a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth. Cishet is short for a cisgender person who is also heterosexual. 
• Words like "tranny," "transexual," and "hermaphrodite" are both outdated and deeply offensive. These terms have a long history of being used as weapons of discrimination against transgender folks. Don't use them. 
• They're not preferred pronouns, they're pronouns. "Preferred" implies that gendering someone correctly is optional. 

Knowing the difference between gender identity and gender expression can help navigate a gender journey with a child. Gender identity is the deeply innate sense of self, while gender expression is the outward manifestation of that sense of self. It is a misconception that girls who are "tomboys" and boys who love wearing dresses are necessarily transgender. Clothes, makeup, toys, and activities do not have gender limitations. Have an open and transparent conversation with your child and do not attempt to limit neither their expression nor their identity. 

If your child has indicated that they're exploring gender, let them lead. You don't have to know all the answers, and they are on their personal road to discovery. Be affirming by supporting their gender identity journey wherever it leads them while using their pronouns and correct name. Need help with pronouns? Visit Gender Pronouns! 

"How are they sure though?" Among transgender children, gender identity is as strong as in cisgender children, study shows.

Don't confine yourself within the gender binary. Your child's journey does not necessarily mean going from a boy to a girl or vice versa. Familiarize yourself with non-binary and agender identities. National Center for Transequality has a helpful page on "Understanding Non-Binary People".

See local DMV resources as well as National Resources for trans children and their parents here: 
Children's National Hospital of Washington DC Gender Development Program

Trans Healthcare MD

The Pride Center of Maryland 

Equality Virginia

National Center for Transequality - Know Your Rights

HRC- Transgender Children and Youth: Understanding the Basics

And of course, me! Feel free to contact me regarding availability for a therapy session for yourself or your child.

*Please note the terminology defined here is just the simplified tip of the LGBTQI+ terminology iceberg!