[CW: This blog post includes brief and non-detailed mentions of sexual assault and child sexual assault. ]

Ah, the beast that brought me into the business, sex ed. At this rate, I would happily write novels for you on this topic, but today I will highlight some broken parts of our sexual education system as well as discuss ways we can fill the gaps in access to proper education and resources.

First, we are not providing consistent and accessible sex education to everyone. 
Some of us had sex ed classes that revolved around STI scare tactics with no discussion of contraception, and others had our parents saying "you'll learn about it at school," while our schools said  "you should learn about this at home." A rare few had access to comprehensive and inclusive sex education. 

Abstinence-only sex ed sets us up for failure. 
Abstinence-only sexual education fuels the damaging stigma that sexuality is dirty, while encouraging us to internalize feelings of shame and guilt about natural, healthy urges. Additionally, abstinence-only sex ed is deeply patriarchal and heterosexual-centered, leaving all LGBTQI+ people completely in the dark. 

Our abstinence-only sex ed also teaches us that women have to remain "modest" to avoid attracting men's sexual's desire, implying that men are wild monsters that can only be contained by making sure a bra strap isn't showing. This sex education fails to teach the important notions of personal responsibility and consent, while neglecting to provide resources for safe sex, protection, and communication. 
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This education system also fails to recognize that thousands of people's first sexual encounter is not consensual. A system that upholds virginity as the gold standard and doesn't teach students about consent and safe sex fails sexual trauma survivors on multiple levels. 

Binary and non-inclusive sex ed leaves out so, so many students. 
A sex ed system that fails to discuss the ins and outs of (and often tends to conflate) sex, sexuality, and gender fails our LGBTQI+ students, leaving them feeling alienated and with no information about how to explore or understand their identities. For a lot of LGBTQI+ folks, teenage years bring on lots of questions about gender, sex, and sexuality, and our sex ed system leaves them shamed and with no answers. 

So what can we do?
- Advocate for a comprehensive sex ed curriculum in your schools and human sexuality courses in your colleges. 

- If you're parenting a child, have The Talk, and make it good. While uncomfortable, it is necessary to maintain a healthy, open, and communicative connection with your child, so they can come to you with questions and concerns. Lean into the discomfort, use scientifically-backed data, and breathe through the knowledge that your child is stepping into claiming their sexual self. Check your biases, and don't hesitate to do your own research before having these important conversations. 

- Stop nicknaming. Teaching young people terms like "taco," "cookie," "hoohoo," are not only incredibly inaccurate but also perpetuate shame by implying that the vagina cannot or should not be named transparently. Know the parts of human anatomy, and learn to be comfortable talking about them to your children. Teaching children about their bodies in a neutral and scientific way also equips them with the vocabulary needed to advocate for themselves in cases of assault. 

- Update yourself! Are you still carrying around outdated (or absent) knowledge from your sex ed days? The internet world is your oyster (mostly). Look into debunking your knowledge about orgasms, condoms, sexuality, and more! Do be cautious and verify that the information you are obtaining from the Internet is coming from reputable, progressive, and scientific sources. 

- Battle misinformation whenever you see or hear it. The question that sparked my fire to uproot sex ed was in high school when a young woman asked me if doucheing with Sprite prevents pregnancy (I hope she's ok). For clarity, absolutely not. Keep sugar out of the vagina and stop vaginal doucheing (this will likely be a whole other blog). This belief dates back to the 1970s, so don't think misinformation doesn't trickle down for decades.

Be the sexual health change you wish to see in the world! 

Teledildonics. 
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What a fantastic word. Teledildonics is the technical term for the 'remote sex' that uses long-distance, digitally-connected toys. 

Maybe you're social distancing from hookups or in a long distance relationship and looking to sexually connect. Below are some toys to help you create a little buzz from afar. 
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There truly wasn't anything else I was willing to title this blog. 

Let's cut to the chase and go over some important reminders! 

• Wetness does not necessarily mean you're aroused
• Lack of wetness does not necessarily mean you're unaroused
• A person's natural lubrication can be greatly impacted by so many things, including but not limited to day of cycle, menopause, postpartum, dehydration, and medications like antihistamines, SSRI's, and birth control. 

For vaginal sex, not being well lubricated can not only be painful, but it can also make you more susceptible to UTIs. That said, being dry doesn't have to be the standard for using lubricant. Even those with natural wetness find that lubricant can help slip and slide their way into an enhanced sexual experience. For safe and comfortable anal sex, it is incredibly important to always use lube! While you can get lube in a regular bottle, there are suppositories and "lube launchers" (yes, they are called that, and I'll let you do the Googling). 

Thankfully, we have lubricants in all varieties to help smooth things along. As always, self play can be a low pressure way to explore the following different options: 

Water-based 

• Budget friendly and found everywhere (KY and Astroglide is likely at your local grocer or pharmacy). 
• Safe to use with condoms and toys. 
• Variety of textures from liquid to gel to jelly.
• Most common type of lube for flavors and sensations (aka "warming").
• Usually contain synthetic glycerin. For those that are more sensitive, while it as not as easy to find, many companies like Astroglide have a paraben and glycerin free variety. Glycerin is used to help with flavor so lubes without it might taste slightly bitter. 

Silicone

• Most resilient and will stay wet the longest (but since it doesn't absorb like water-based lube, you'll likely have to wash off with soap and water). 
• Usually hypoallergenic! 
• Disclaimer! Silicone couples don't get along. You think they're made for each other, but silicone lube on a silicone toy will destroy the outer layer of your toy, making it more porous and impossible to properly clean again. If you insist on using silicone toys with silicone lube, make sure you use a condom. Also, make sure your silicone toys aren't touching in storage or else you'll end up with an amorphous (and porous) vibrating blob.

Oil-based

• Natural oils like refined coconut and olive oil have been popular for external and internal vaginal play. Very accessible and affordable.
• Synthetic oils like mineral oil and Vaseline are not recommended for use. Prone to irritating the vulva and will destroy latex condoms.
• Disclaimer: Oil stains sheets and clothes and can destroy latex condoms. If you are using oil as lube, make sure you are using a condom made of nitrile, polyisoprene, or polyurethane.

​As always, there is no such thing as safe sex, only safER sex. Be good (or not) and have fun!


Reminder: This isn't an ad, nor am I sponsored by any product or site. I just want you to know the good stuff!