The Lack of Sex Ed in Sex Ed

[CW: This blog post includes brief and non-detailed mentions of sexual assault and child sexual assault. ]

Ah, the beast that brought me into the business, sex ed. At this rate, I would happily write novels for you on this topic, but today I will highlight some broken parts of our sexual education system as well as discuss ways we can fill the gaps in access to proper education and resources.

First, we are not providing consistent and accessible sex education to everyone. 
Some of us had sex ed classes that revolved around STI scare tactics with no discussion of contraception, and others had our parents saying "you'll learn about it at school," while our schools said  "you should learn about this at home." A rare few had access to comprehensive and inclusive sex education. 

Abstinence-only sex ed sets us up for failure. 
Abstinence-only sexual education fuels the damaging stigma that sexuality is dirty, while encouraging us to internalize feelings of shame and guilt about natural, healthy urges. Additionally, abstinence-only sex ed is deeply patriarchal and heterosexual-centered, leaving all LGBTQI+ people completely in the dark. 

People with vaginas are especially pushed towards abstinence, threatened with concerns of lapsed purity and loose vaginas. First and foremost, virginity is a myth, and while we talk about the "looseness" of vaginas, no one assumes that the penis is whittled down like a pencil after multiple uses. Not only is this idea a double standard, but it is also a logical fallacy. If I abstained until marriage, how many times do I sleep with my husband before I am "loose"? Or does the vagina just KNOW it's the same penis so I'll maintain elasticity? 

Our abstinence-only sex ed also teaches us that women have to remain "modest" to avoid attracting men's sexual's desire, implying that men are wild monsters that can only be contained by making sure a bra strap isn't showing. This sex education fails to teach the important notions of personal responsibility and consent, while neglecting to provide resources for safe sex, protection, and communication. 
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This education system also fails to recognize that thousands of people's first sexual encounter is not consensual. A system that upholds virginity as the gold standard and doesn't teach students about consent and safe sex fails sexual trauma survivors on multiple levels. 

Binary and non-inclusive sex ed leaves out so, so many students. 
A sex ed system that fails to discuss the ins and outs of (and often tends to conflate) sex, sexuality, and gender fails our LGBTQI+ students, leaving them feeling alienated and with no information about how to explore or understand their identities. For a lot of LGBTQI+ folks, teenage years bring on lots of questions about gender, sex, and sexuality, and our sex ed system leaves them shamed and with no answers. 

So what can we do?
- Advocate for a comprehensive sex ed curriculum in your schools and human sexuality courses in your colleges. 

- If you're parenting a child, have The Talk, and make it good. While uncomfortable, it is necessary to maintain a healthy, open, and communicative connection with your child, so they can come to you with questions and concerns. Lean into the discomfort, use scientifically-backed data, and breathe through the knowledge that your child is stepping into claiming their sexual self. Check your biases, and don't hesitate to do your own research before having these important conversations. 

- Stop nicknaming. Teaching young people terms like "taco," "cookie," "hoohoo," are not only incredibly inaccurate but also perpetuate shame by implying that the vagina cannot or should not be named transparently. Know the parts of human anatomy, and learn to be comfortable talking about them to your children. Teaching children about their bodies in a neutral and scientific way also equips them with the vocabulary needed to advocate for themselves in cases of assault. 

- Update yourself! Are you still carrying around outdated (or absent) knowledge from your sex ed days? The internet world is your oyster (mostly). Look into debunking your knowledge about orgasms, condoms, sexuality, and more! Do be cautious and verify that the information you are obtaining from the Internet is coming from reputable, progressive, and scientific sources. 

- Battle misinformation whenever you see or hear it. The question that sparked my fire to uproot sex ed was in high school when a young woman asked me if doucheing with Sprite prevents pregnancy (I hope she's ok). For clarity, absolutely not. Keep sugar out of the vagina and stop vaginal doucheing (this will likely be a whole other blog). This belief dates back to the 1970s, so don't think misinformation doesn't trickle down for decades.

Be the sexual health change you wish to see in the world!